Introduction:

After all of the packets we completed, we finally got to write our stories. With our finished product, everyone in my class formed a circle and we each went around the circle and shared our stories and gave feedback. I really enjoyed giving feedback on other people’s stories because I felt like it gave me the opportunity to help others improve their stories and I liked how me thinking about what I could say for feedback made me think more about their stories. Some feedback that I got on my short story was that i could make the ending a little more clear and include a scene where the main character see’s a dad with a little girl to set the sadness mood of the story a bit more. So, I really appreciated all the feedback I got and I made sure i applied it to my short story. My new and improved short story will be below :).

My Short Story

“Hailey!!… Hon? Could you come down here please?” yelled my mom.  I could hear her from my room upstairs. It felt like her need for my assistance was never ending, with the new baby and all. My dad left when Aven, my baby sister, was born. I jolted up out of my bed covered with my unfinished homework and all my late assignments. “Yes mom?” I asked trying to keep a positive attitude. But, lately it’s been getting harder and harder. As soon as I got downstairs, it was like a wave of sadness just filled the whole room. I missed my dad too, but it was just crushing my mom. Now, I can only see pieces of what she used to be. I peered around the corner to find my mom on the couch, watching trashy TV and she had this sad, ghostly look on her face. “Yes mom?” I repeated again, a little more quiet this time. She didn’t answer, instead, still staring off into space. Honestly, she was starting scare me. I quietly tip-toed back upstairs, hoping she wouldn’t call me back downstairs again. I quickened my pace up the stairs and when I got to Hailey’s room, she was laying on her back, sucking on her toes and smiling at the ceiling. I lifted her carefully out of her tiny crib. I picked out a cute sundress with different colored bugs on it and some worn out, hand-me-down sandals. We both could use some fresh air. I walked down the stairs and into the living room to talk to my mother. “Um, hey mom…” I hesitated, but continued. “Aven and I are going to walk to the park.” I finished, anxiously waiting for a reply. Instead of replying, she simply looked me up and down and nodded. I lingered in the room a bit longer, waiting for something more from her. When that didn’t happen, we shot out the door and started our long journey to the nicer neighborhood park. As we passed Nancy Bucket’s house in the neighborhood a few blocks away, I quickened my pace. It wasn’t that I didn’t like her, because I did. She just always wanted to hang out, but I’m always busy with Aven. It sort of made me feel bad for myself, so I avoided her completely. At this point Aven was getting tired, so I scooped her up and carried her rest of the way. As soon as we got to the park she bolted off. She just loved being outside and at the park. She started stumbling over to the baby swing.  She fell about three times before she cooed for me to lift her into it and push her.  I always admired her that way. She was able to bring herself back up after she had fallen. I watched as a dad lifted a little girl into the air and twirled her around.  As I stared into the pink streaked sky, pondering whether to go home, I felt my eyes fill with tears. I missed my dad sometimes too. I wonder what life would be like if I wasn’t in charge of Aven all the time. I shook away this thought and lifted Aven out of the swing. I wasn’t going back to that house, not just yet. Aven and I have barley eaten all day, so we walked a few more blocks to the mini mart. When I walked into the gas station, bright lights, white tile, and the pungent smell of bleach over whelmed me. A woman greeted me and Aven, who was asleep on my shoulder. I strolled over and picked up a coke and cup-o-noodles. I walked up to the counter to pay. “Excuse me? Can you ring this up for me?” I asked a bit impatient. The tall, thin olive skinned man snapped his head up at me and said, “Hailey?”  I looked up at the man and a hot prickly wave rushed over me just at the sight of him. “Dad?” I croaked.